I’ll bet you never thought of someone firing their client, have you?

Well, I’m going to tell you how make that happen!

1. In your first conversation, do tell me that you know a lot about Zen Cart, websites, coding, etc.
   I have had men (sorry, no ladies have ever tried this) who want to either intimidate me into being honest or impress me with their knowledge. Obviously that doesn’t work well and frequently is a warning sign that I may not want to take you on as a client in the first place.
2. Argue with me and tell me you know more than I do.
   I’m certainly open to new ideas and information but don’t tell me you’ve found a security hole in Zen Cart that no one else knows about and require me to make changes based on the fact that you know better than the entire Zen Cart team and the PCI Compliance Certification Board. I may not know everything but listening to me is a wise and courteous thing to do.
3. Send many long-winded emails a day.
   Frequently, this is the sign of a highly anxious customer and I don’t mind hand-holding (I have worked as a counselor); however, too much writing makes it impossible for me to get anything done for anyone and keep your project on track. Lists are great and having all thoughts in a defined list just plain makes it easier to read and harder to lose. Oh, yeah, and I do have a ticket system so using it is a good way to make sure our discussion does not get lost.
4. Refuse to listen to my advice because you just like it done your way.
   My advice is usually based on making your site more accessible and navigable in order to sell more products. Just because you like something or because you think something is better does not mean you are right. You did hire me to provide you with expert advice right?  Oh, and if I find out I’m wrong, I’ll admit it. Will you?
5. Tell me how much you love the site graphics and layout you have now.
   One potential client informed me that he had worked really hard to get the best looking site and admitted to being very picky. That would be okay except that the site was about 10 years out of date and truly ugly and ineffective. I refused to take him on as a client.
6. Hire someone else to work on your Zen Cart site and then come to me to fix the problems.
   This is just a warning to my present clients. New clients are frequently in that situation. I don’t mind clean up because I do make money that way but if there’s been changes to your site sometimes the only solution is to start over. Now I won’t fire you for this alone but it does all add up.
7. Never thank me and always demand rather than request.
   You may be paying me but I am not your employee. Appreciation makes me feel good – what about you?
8. Always expect immediate attention and assume you are my only client.
   I’m juggling as fast as I can, but I am juggling many clients at one time. I will get to you as soon as I can, but don’t assume that I got your first email and am ignoring you. Check with me before getting mad!
9. Be sure to start emails with WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?
   Such a salutation tends to be offensive and it makes me feel like not reading the email at all.
10. Be rude, abusive and threatening in your emails.
    I have a policy of three strikes and you’re out. I’m seriously thinking about shortening that to 2 after this past week. I have actually, in the past, moved a client’s website to other hosting and asked them to never contact me again.

I want to express my extreme gratitude to nearly all of my clients who have been great to work with; you make my job worthwhile!